The more time I spend acknowledging the things I have in my life that are blessings, the less importance the negative ones have in my mind. Leave no room in your heart for “poor me’s” by filling it up with the positives you already have in your life. My list always include:
I woke up this morning
I have a wonderful, loving family…children, grandchildren, mother and aunt and siblings.
I have friends that I can share even my most private thoughts with.
There is a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator.
My sister is on the last of her cancer treatments.
God always provides for me, even if it is in a way I don’t understand.
The song that moves me this summer is Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines. I clean the house while having it on repeat. There is something about that song that I can’t resist dancing to 🙂
Things appear to be picking up in the job market. I have had three interviews in the past two weeks and another on Friday. Hopefully all this activity will finally result in a job.
Interviews and applications today are much more difficult than in the past. This cartoon totally demonstrates what it is like. 🙂
Sky thru my pergola
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN MY LIFE:
I have been off my path of writing and eating healthy and generally taking care of myself. It is a familiar road to me, I give myself up so easily. But this morning I heard something that resonated with me. “At some point you have to accept who you are” Panache Desai
Finally the core of the issue. I don’t accept and don’t want to accept the very vessel that carries my life. The spread of my hips, the girth of my thighs, a number on the scale that makes me hold myself in contempt. In my mind, I am never enough..thin enough, pretty enough, nice enough, giving enough, it could go on and on. Regardless of the insight that inside, my soul, my heart, my mind are good and loving. I can’t accept the whole of me. I second guess myself, doubt, think I could have done more, feel guilty.
Soul searching and working on acceptance is my task. I carry old baggage that make me feel less than worthy. Hopefully I can lighten my load both spiritually and physically as I start this journey again and work on acceptance of me, flaws and all.
Pam in her beautiful baldness and in her new wig.
Today I took photos of my sister after she shaved her head. Her hair was falling out so quickly that it was easier to take it off herself rather than watching it go strand by strand. She was glowing and looks beautiful. She is stronger than she knows.
Also, I returned to the healthier eating journey again last week. I lost nine pounds and did a happy dance 🙂
Hope we both keep making progress, together.
My sister started losing her hair yesterday from the chemo for her breast cancer. We have spent almost the entire last month together, dr appointments, chemo and staying with her to cook for her and make sure she was doing okay. I have returned to my house since last Friday and I miss her.
Yesterday she started losing her hair. Understandably, she was upset, but is moving past that quickly with humor and support. We will probably shave her head next week after her next round of chemo.
Stay strong Pam. You are loved by many.
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Having a not so great day and got on Facebook. Becky posted this song today and it reminded me where to keep my focus. Thanks Beck, I love you. Love your Momma
I started last week by traveling to Kentucky for my interview. It went well, they have three other candidates they are interviewing. Wait and see, I am not in control.
My sister, mother and aunt all traveled to Florida at the end of the week. I am their “Driving Miss Daisy” chauffeur to the condo that my mom and her sister are staying in for a month. The weather is in the 60’s and lower 70’s. Perfect for a walk along the beach and the indoor heated pool.
Aunt Mary and Pepper Mom and Binky
Mary is 79 and Mom is 84. The last two remaining siblings out of 6, mom was the oldest. This is time for them to spend together. The older you get, the less family you have. Therefore, the dogs. 🙂
Pam and I will leave next week to head home and start her chemotherapy. This is a nice rest for her before she starts her regimen against breast cancer. It is also a bonding time for all of us. Two sets of sisters.
My interview today went well. So well, they want to see me next Monday morning. Now I am going down that road.
????? What to do? I am battling internally. I would like a job that keeps me interested and pays me and has health benefits. But is being away from home too much to sacrifice to get that? Or is it an opportunity to start a fresh chapter and keep moving forward toward retirement?
I do have family where the job is located, so that is a big plus. I will know some people, but visits home will be difficult. Long weekends and holidays only.
See, I drive myself crazy and maybe when they meet me they will hate me!