I’m Just a Girl


A girl who thought I would be young forever and even bad choices would have no consequence.  A girl who lived her life addicted to food as surely as others do to drugs or alcohol.  Buried my pain, my past, my happiness, my loneliness, my boredom in food to paralyze me and stop the feelings.  Started over more times that I can count.  Even had some success, but still not free.

Consequences have hit.  I am a diabetic that has climbing numbers rather than falling.  My kidneys have shown issues several times over the last year due to diabetes.  An MRI of my brain shows vessel disease that may or may not cause dementia or alzheimers.  No time, nothing to tell me of my coming days.

Well, look at me, I am 65.  But inside I still feel young, until I start to move and my bad knee aches and the knee replacement clicks as I walk.  I’m a timebomb ticking.

This girl could improve her chances by taking control finally of eating healthy.  This girl could enjoy her time more if she could make herself get up and do something rather than prefer to stay behind the computer or tv screen.  This girl could help her depression if she started to exercise.  It is all overwhelming to this girl.

And she has so much and knows she is lucky to have chidren, grandchildren, family, friends and a husband who love her and she loves with all of her being.  Yet why, is it still not enough to pull this girl out of the hole she is in, out of the bad food choices she makes, out of the depression.  There is such a bright future for all of her friends and loved ones and she would fight to the end to pull them out, but not sure she can find something in herself to pull this girl out.




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