Cold Fear

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My daughter is the blonde in the NICU CREW shirt on the left.

Rockford Health System reports that its REACT helicopter crew members recently starting training on a temporary aircraft with the hopes of bringing the program back online after a Dec. 10 copter crash that killed three people.

Those words put a cold fear in my heart.  Carrie is part of the transport team for NICU and loves her job.  I am proud of what she does and who she is, but the thought of her flying again scares me to death.

When she was about eight years old I dreamed that she died in a helicopter.  The dream was vivid and remained in my mind for a long time.  At that time I thought the odds of her being in a helicopter were slim.   By the time she actually became part of the transport team, I was proud of her accomplishments and the dream was gone.

But on December 10th it came back with a fury.  I have suggested she not fly anymore.  I have been angry and non-supportive.  Truth is, it is what she wants to do.  Keep a baby alive until it can reach the higher level of technology that her department provides.

I don’t know how to deal with it.  All the statistics, odds, chances that this will happen again at this hospital I know are overwhelming.  But it doesn’t make the fear of my dream as her mother disappear.

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. jgann22 says:

    I can totally relate. Everyone tells me I am too protective!

    1. jaimmers says:

      Yes, I always have been too.

      1. jgann22 says:

        I am trying to ease up a bit. But there is so much evil in the world. And I want my daughter safe at all times. ….

  2. Audrey says:

    I am one of Carries teammates. I am also the “white knuckle” flyer on the team. I have never really enjoyed flying. But it is just one small aspect of the bigger picture of what we do. It is part of what makes us “us”. This experience as been heartbreaking. I understand your fear. We, the team, each have our own. We all have family that have asked us to stop flying. But in doing so, you are asking us to stop being us. We can not become prisoners to our fear. If we do, we’ll lose who we are. Life is never without risks. Will I be afraid the next time I get in the helicopter? Yes. And I’ll say a prayer, but that hasn’t changed, I did prior to the accident. I’ll do it, because its worth it.

    1. jaimmers says:

      Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I think it hit too close to home for the whole team because it could have been any team on the flight. I will be saying a prayer for all of you.

  3. mariekeates says:

    You’re bound to feel that way right now but, unfortunately, we can’t always protect them. I thought I’d worry less when my boys grew up but I think I worry more because I’m not in control any more. Thing is, stuff happens and it’s never usually the stuff we worry about. You should be proud of her doing such a wonderful job a d saving lives 🙂

    1. jaimmers says:

      I am very proud of her and what she does. Yes, I think it gets worse when they are adults and we don’t have much influence over them any more.

  4. Happy Runner says:

    I nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award! Check it out: http://runeatlife.me/2013/01/19/award-2-beautiful-blogger-award/

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